The Pacific Northwest and Utah's (North) South Desert

A very belated food chronicle from my last non-deadly vacation, and a recent semi-deadly one.

Teresa and I hit up Oregon and California for a 9 day excursion in May. Great fun, though as usual, quite the rush. I have preparedness down to a lazy science. I can cram any number of awesome hours into a day, as long as you don't expect to sleep or to find everything open when you get there. I don't go into details like operating hours or map printing. But I usually have directions, and most of what I come up with is fun. Ask Camila. Or Teresa. Sometimes I screw up- oh why did I insist on pushing on to Pendleton when we could have stayed at Baker City in the Geiser Grand?! Oh well. I picked one hotel because it had a courtyard that looked nice and a restaraunt with a fireplace. I looked at an on-line picture, thought, I could eat there, and booked. That turned out spot-on! If a restaraunt looks tacky, the food will be bad. This place looked decent, so the food was: the best food on earth. Yeah, we got lucky.

The restaraunt is named "The Mark", and if you live anywhere near Portland, go there, right now. Stop reading and find it. Our first clue as to the pending excellence was a pat of butter. They brought some "house butter" which was to die for. I have quite a palate and I can tell you this is organic butter with blackberries, garlic, and probably basil. I will make some finally this week. Been meaning to. Just melt some boring organic butter and add in blackberry juice, basil and garlic. Trust me, would I steer you wrong? Teresa had ordered some sides and was very impressed by "Those Potatoes", which must be ordered with air quote motion, or else you pay double. She also loved the adult mac n cheese which was made with toasted bread crumbs and a mix of parmesan, cheddar, and mascarpone. Good stuff. "Those potatoes" are a pure mystery to me. I told her I could make the macaroni and that Camila has done better at home, but I have no idea where to even start with these "Those Potatoes". I've tried finding similar recipes. No luck. I think they are pan fried. That is as close as I can get. My meal was Braised Beef Pappardelle, which is an elegant take on "Beef Tips and Noodles"- possibly the least appetizingly named delicious food on earth- gorgonzola cheese crumbles, candied pecans, fresh herbs, tomato, green onion, and a red zinfindel and espresso-enfused brown gravy. I thought I might die eating it. The waiter was damned impressed with me for ordering it. He almost died just complimenting me for ordering it amongst all these fabulous options. I figured it was the dish that seemed most original and difficult to prepare. It was not cheap. For dessert we split a chocolate layer cake with blackberry coulis- that's a kind of thick syrupy sauce. The waiter approved again, and was well tipped for knowing how to treat a handicapped girl in a travel hoodie like a lady.

Next morning, and did I mention this five-star restaraunt was attached tragically to a hotel where rubes stay with their children, or that we got discount coupons just for staying at the Shiloh Inn Beaverton Conference Center?- I had my opinion forever changed about biscuits and gravy, and got no revelation about Teresa (she's a bore, but I knew this) or pancakes (the same everywhere except where I cook and make my pumpkin pancakes or my chocolate-craisin pancakes or vanilla hazlenut berry cakes). The next morning I got the best Huevos Rancheros on Earth- and I've been to New Mexico. (Also, I now think I make the best Huevo Rancheros on Earth, but that is for another post). They even made them into art I hardly wanted to cut, by melting and molding the cheese into the salsa to make this strange glowing paste that held my black beans. Sadly, due to mistakes of time management like going to the zoo to see some fat hippos and so Teresa could feed a giraffe we had no more meals at "The Mark". I badly wanted to try "Mark's Lobster Bisque" (oh fresh seafood is so much better and I've never liked lobster), and the Veggie Wrap: white bean hummus, grilled zucchini, roasted squash, bell peppers, and tomatoes in a sundried tomato tortilla- although I still think I can make that. Also missed out on; Brioche and Strawberry Bread Pudding, and Chocolate Banana Creme Broulet. What a restaraunt. If I was not travelling with a real prude, I would have used the coupon for a free glass of house wine.

The Portland Farmer's Market also had good food, though due to strange weather patterns for the year, featured mostly crafts. I have never seen so many ethnic food booths. Missed the one for "Koren Twist" though: Korean-Mexican food, only the most promising pairing since my love affair with Arizona's "Chino Bandido"- whose pirate sombrero, gold toothed, corsair waving, eye patched panda is still the greatest logo of all time, though the gay shark with tequila sauce I just passed in South Salt Lake is a close second. I bought a CD of a one-man band who rocked "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" unforgettably on drums and accordion while singing hauntingly above the sound of flushing toilets, barking dogs, and a train station four feet behind him. The CD is just okay. I know you were wondering. His name is Pug!

Along the coast in California we got our next good food. I had some disappointing fish in a fishing town. I blame the downfall of the American diner. Mediocrity is getting a bad name with all this quarter hearted cooking. I want half-heart effort for my $7, you know? But right on the sea, I mean literally, like overhanging it, I got steamed clams, which were marvellous. Even more so because I knew I had to appreciate them more, surrounded by Teresa and four other men eating hamburgers. Crime against nature, and the general cosmic karma! They were in a white wine and garlic cheese sauce, floating with: mushrooms, tomatoes, green onions and herbs. Oregon and California sported some good mushrooms. I had a meal earlier of pesto alfredo noodles with mushroom medly and the whole plate was brown with mushooms, but they were so flavorful I savored every sumptuous bite. Well I ordered "Boston" clam chowder to go from this seaside diner, and also marion berry cobbler- The PNW is obsessed with marion berries. Not sure why, though this cobbler was fabulous. Pretty much just blackberries, aren't they? With a more uppity name? The chowder was even more fabulous. I was still full when I ate it hours later, watching a rainbow-sunset as some fog burned off above a mountain (pictures to prove it), but it totally changed my life. I had a canned clam chowder once and decided I hated the stuff. Now if only I had redeemed crab while on this trip, which I've also only ever had canned and "imitation"...

A recent solo trip took me happily close to a restaurant I forgot I wanted to get to, open for only 5 months each year, and located in the middle of pretty much nowhere- 11 miles outside of one of America's least visited and least famed national parks, Capitol Reef, and 3 miles outside one of the cutest (in season) or saddest/creepiest (winter) towns on the planet, Torrey, UT. Well I hit Capitol Reef on a whim to do a trail I had to pass on during a visit with Teresa, and after ripping through it (amazing by the way- see the latest review post), went and waited an hour for "Cafe Diablo" to open for lunch. They thought it was funny I napped outside their door. I thought it amazing no one else was there. This is one of the best restaurants in Utah, and a rewarding national park, though rugged.

Well, I liked it so much I stopped back on the way home next evening, still sneaking in for lunch. This saved me a pretty penny, but left me fewer options, as the Cafe is a dinner destination mostly. Here I will read from their elaborate and exotic dinner menu: Rattlesnake Cakes, Duck Mariachi, Marinated Loin of Utah Lamb with Casamiento Pie, Asparagus and Pastilla Verde Sauce, Turkey Chimole and Poblano Peppers in Guajillo Mole Cream on Taro Root Pattie, Pumpkin Seed Trout, Mayan Tamale of Eggplant, Poblano Peppers, Roasted Tomatoes, Casera Cheese steamed in Banana Leaf, with Char-grilled vegetables, and Brandied Corn Custard- I could go on.

My lunch options were more limited but both turned out delicious. I had the only vegetarian option one day, a Bruschetta, which was chared hard toast slices doused with a black bean and roasted corn salsa, chopped olive, cilantro, diced tomato, mozzerella cheese, and bell pepper. I can still taste it. A side of citrus salad. Delicious. The waitress approved, as again, I think no one orders this. I also had Beef Tenderloin Wraps- your next best vegetarian option as the two Beef Tenderloin chunks sit on top, and could easily come on a separate plate or be left out for a few dollars reduction in price. The wrap was a decent tortilla filled with spring greens, a house ranch type sauce, black beans, roasted corn, aged parmesan cheese (hard like a cracker and thin; I need to learn how to make this!!; my guess of throw parmesan cheese slices in a tube sock behind the radiator all winter was somewhat confirmed by Teresa's former restaurant-worker of a mother; she said, "well you would use a brown bag or cheese cloth, not a tube sock"- is semi-sarcasm so dead?), and probably tomato, perhaps sundried. Its been too many days to remember perfectly.

For desserts, I went with a 4 nut truffle (another waitress approval, or possibly, she was flirting with me to approve all my choices? She did ask me a lot about my recent activities. I'm not a good judge of flirting.), which my waitress clarified for me, actually contained 5 nuts, if you count the pine nut, which is really a seed, and an unfortunate cheesecake, which was merely pedestrian as far as cheesecakes go, meaning, it was no better than the delicious cheesecakes you can find in a store. You get home-made ice cream with any dessert, and the only specialty option is "Drunk Monkey"- banana and brandy-soaked chocolate chips, which "you can't taste"- their words. Let me promise you this: You can most definitely count on tasting the brandy. There is plenty of it in there. But it was still good. I actually preferred plain vanilla though. There is no such thing as bad vanilla ice cream, but there is just something special about fresh, true bean-made vanilla ice cream. Especially in a charming flower garden patio on a hot day at the North end of Utah's South Desert. However, I must close by saying that "Cafe Diablo", for a restaurant whose schtick is gourmet new-age Southwest-themed fusion cousine, a dessert tray with nine offerings needs to include something more local than the pine nut. How about a prickly pear jelly roll, or a honey sweet Navajo fry cake, paying homage in several ways to the Beehive State?