More Beer, Cheese, and Books

October Fest ends in Utah in September. You can't make this up.

There are good beers in Utah, and believe me, no one is as surprised as I am. I thought the words "good", "beer", and "Utah" would never fit together. Actually, I never thought "good" and "Utah" could pair up. Ha ha. Nah, Utah, you're great. Love your brown air in winter and your brown air in summer, and the ugly overcrowded valley and the way your residents who have 8 children each, none of whom ever move more than 2 blocks away from home after marrying, blame Californians and Mexicans for the population issues, saying "the secret is out" as if everyone were about to move here.

Uintah Brewery has a few more hits with me. Baba Black Lager (Organic) was a fine standard style black lager. Imagine that. Also enjoyed Wasatch Pumpkin Ale. Second best pumpkin ale I have found. Dogfish Head out of Rhode Island is magnificent. Though I have yet to find a beer by Dogfish that was not excellent. Perhaps their IPA. Uintah misses with Punk, their Pumpkin Ale. Acidic swill piss, which I would not use for anyone even an enemy. Battery acid would be cheaper by the pint if I wanted to poison someone. I might be inclined to try their Polygamy Porter (Why Have Just One?), a Utah staple, which I assumed was just for jerks with no taste. Zion's Brewery has started off decently for me, though I find Stout Virgin to be a tasteless name, and the label has more animated cleavage than I need to see when drinking. I even had a good beer from Sierra Nevada, long considered by me to be one of the most consistently disappointing brewers in the West, despite their sterling reputation. "Tumbler", an Autumn brown ale is delicious. I am nearly up to 300 brews for my life. The next mixed six (pack) will get me there. I thought I would feel accomplished as a beery when I reached that number (and might I add "beery" is not marked by my spell checker but Uintah is- despite being a really and truly mountain range within the greater Rockies), but now I can only think 400 beers...now a man who has had 400 beers would really know his stuff. Out of all those brews I think less than 20 have been distinguishable from the rest, and I have only had about that many twice or more. The number of beers I have drunk 3 times would fit on one hand. Out of all those, the best commonly available brew for me is still "Samuel Adams' Cream Stout", and the beer I most often think about which I cannot find is "Petrus Original". Sweet ale aged 3 years in brandy oak casks. Also would cut a few throats for an "Old Engine Oil: Special Reserve, Extra Sludge"- I forget the brewer. A double dark and double thick stout that really is like syrup. "Guitts" was like an alcoholic soda out of Brazil. Never seen it in the States. Also love Raisin D'Etre by Dogfish. Maybe I will think up a worst beers list for next post. That would be harder. You know what they (my alter ego in the 3rd play I still mean to finish someday after 5 years) say: if you want a challenge don't try to write the Great American Novel. There are so many bad writers in this world. To stand out at stinking really takes skill. The character spends 20 years not publishing a thing after getting sort of big and one groupie who starts stalking him (a younger woman of course because every crush I have ends up being 18, looking 16, and so forth) thinks he needs to start writing again, but he reveals that all of his trash attempts just turn out too decent, so he starts over trying to complete the worst thing ever written and prove his true glorious greatness. I know what you are thinking right now: Andrew let me read these fragments of a play! No wait, actually that sounds truly awful- you're on the right track!

Thank you. I try. I found a terrible gourmet cheese finally. Mango ginger. Took a bite and threw it away. Almost spit it out. $15.99 per pound garbage. Now that's expensive trash bag liner. Sage cheese, bright green and dubious, was delicious. Love it for breakfast to counter some super duper yogurt (now cross bred with a third brand for even more live culture strains and of course, still goat-milk sharp) and sweet jam and organic butter on toast. But it is not as good or as sweet as a cranberry stilton. Tastes like low-sugar cheesecake. Blueberry stilton is only slightly better. I will get both again.

Try reading William Gaddiss sometime. My favorite author. Or "The Crusades Through Arab Eyes." Riveting, spellbinding joy. Can't put the thing down. I'm reading it on every break at work, even though there are piles of babes to flirt with and I have been without a Fake Work Girlfriend for all but 3 days since getting hired back by the Post Office 4 months (39,000 years in dog time or Postal Worker time- approximately) ago. No one even has a bad opinion of me for corrupting the youth right now. I've never been able to feel good about myself when people aren't saying bad things about me. I mean if the masses love McDonald's and Star Wars Sequels, then why would I want them to approve of my every doing? Here is a tip: if a person eats fast food often and says they love you or respect you or whatever, so what. Its like being told you are clever by someone who isn't clever. If they can't tell garbage when they taste it, then you can't feel good about them choosing you. Looking for love? Find a person who can make a pizza from scratch. First thing to look for. They put the time in to that, they'll put the time in to you. Massages and being there for you and blah blah blah.