Personality? What are you trying to pull?

Andrew explains why he is always disappointed by the end of a disaster movie.

I am not a big fan of people. I have learned this over the years about myself. Several roomates have helped. Several hundred coworkers, classmates. A couple dozen family parties. I enjoy my privacy. Which is a bad thing in a world ever more crowded. I have also noticed that in disaster movies and books, I cheer for the disaster. Its always a let down when the aliens about to nuke the earth are allergic to water (and directors keep using this as a surprise ending, even though it hasn't been a surprise since HG Wells), and reading "The Hot Zone", I found myself nodding vigorously and hypnotically when the retired Ebola expert who in cliche cinema style (though this was a true story) retired to fish in Montana after a couple of close calls with his deadly nemesis, Ebola Zaire, when he said, "90% less humans could be a good thing, from a species point of view." When I watch the Towering Inferno, all I can think is "Get O.J.! Catch him! Burn that O.J. Simpson!" Obviously this makes me a bad person. To be cheering for the fire? What did O.J. Simpson ever do to me? But my side always loses. Helen Hunt and one of her shoulder straps always stand over the vanquished twister at the end, bosom heaving...sigh. Another close call, but at the end of the day, man survives.

But do you know who will never be defeated? Iranians. Did you know they once made the wheel illegal during the 17th century because none of the religious experts could say for certain that a Christian had not invented it? Now that's dedication. Riding smelly, mal-tempered camels instead...no we can't beat these people. But before you write them off as mad for that little tidbit, consider that it is certainly less hypocritical than the Christian world teaching our babes in Sunday school that work and pain are the punishments for original sin, and then approving the use of machinery. You have to really raise an eyebrow at any man who would urge his wife to have a "natural" birth, sans pain killing medication, but who would approve such things as the tractor, riding lawn mower, or Iphone. Sure that smart phone is convenient, but if life is a test, and we are supposed to be working our way into Heaven by paying off the debt of original sin, then aren't you more likely to flunk out, the easier you make things on yourself? Ha, now think of that next time you download another app to remember things and organize things for you or turn on the driver's seat butt warming massager in your luxury sedan. One day a religious sect will declare anyone who uses something more advanced than an abacus or a meat grinder will be destined for Hell. You heard it here first.

Also I would like to add that anyone who has an Iphone cannot complain about Wallstreet or big business or big government. And rednecks who shop Walmart cannot vote Republican- you can't be for "small" government (I use small in the modern Republican sense that it is for the small proportion of the people who have billions), and big business. If you push for that than for all intents and purposes the biggest business IS the government. And it will be big. There is no symbol of assimilation, status quo, and servitude in today's earth like the Iphone. It would be pointless to explain why. Either you see that or you do not. Bomb something or shut up. That's my feeling about protestors. Don't occupy, raze. If you aren't prepared to do that, you might as well do nothing, because nobody will even take notice of you. Why would they? There's something much more stimulating happening on the internet...

If you are willing to blow things up, you won't have to. Because people will appease you before you do. Otherwise, I suggest protesting a culture you dislike by not serving it, by avoiding it. Don't buy the latest coolest stuff, don't use credit cards, go live in a van in the desert, that sort of thing. Keep a car until it falls apart. Cook for yourself. Wear clothes that are simple and solid colored. Do not watch ads or television. Does all this work? A little maybe. I've got a touch more sanity than many, but I do have the satisfaction of knowing I am doing more good than whining or whoring it up for news team cameras. If all those protestors stopped buying expensive electronics their voice would be heard more than it is by helping cops get rich by working overtime. I mean, if you hate the post office don't go into the post office and tie up three window clerks ranting and screaming- this idiot army man was doing that last time I had to send a package. He inconvenienced dozens of people, and was demanding the post office stop sending him junk mail and start sorting his important mail for him so he would not miss payments- he made a real jerk of himself and justified those people having salaries for the day, and they had a blast laughing at him. My advice: bub, if you hate the post office, sign up for automatic bill pay, paperless statements, and never buy another stamp. Starve them out. Save yourself some time.

Also, I feel the sudden need to say a few nice things about the post office. They do provide many thousands of Americans with a living wage, though they complain about having to do it- 80% of postal expenses are salaries! (Personally, I'd say if you lose a billion dollars or more 10 years in a row, you ought to stop wanting or trying to lay people off; the best protection the Postal Service has from being dissolved is that if it were dissolved 250,000 or more people would collect unemployment; but like airlines, employ enough un-educated slow-poke bums who will never find a better job and the government will keep bailing you out because nobody wants them on the job market gumming up the works) Also my checks have all been right for 10 straight weeks, which saves me the hassle of arguing with anyone, and no official has threatened me with ominous firing for over a month. What a job! What really made me remember why my job is so completely bearable though (other than not having been there for 3 days- how easy that monotonous typing seems when I am not presently doing it) is talking with someone who had an important sounding bank job. She works long hours, has lots of responsibility, and is paid more than $10,000 a year less than me. So I should complain less. Also I get to listen to many many audiobooks.

Do you ever wonder about supertasters? The people who counter-intuitively do not like anything. Is it not strange to consider that those who can taste foods best like them least? What does that say about eating in general? A dirty habit, a dependency even, like the Terminators will think once we build them...now there's a movie where we all cheered for the disaster: "kill him Arnold! Kill him and him and him- no wait, don't!" He made bad cool, and he knew it. And what I love best about those movies, you know, a series of movies about how building technology and machines that are too smart little by little that will ultimately outgrow and destroy us, is that all the kids who said "really makes you think" about that movie now own smart phones and complain they aren't smart enough...or became software engineers because robots are way cool. But having too many taste buds is a bad thing. Brocolli tastes really bitter. Peppers are overpowering. Teresa is a super taster and can really only stand very bland and very sweet food. Sugar is her best buddy. Me, I don't even notice when it isn't there. Your supertaster never used to worry about gout, or obesity. But today? The modern supermarket is a supertaster's fantasy come true that they never knew they had! Everything is crawling with sugar, and salt that burns off those excess taste buds. Everything tastes pretty similar and is artificially flavored, with few if any vegetables. Most flavors are synthesized the way a jelly belly brand blob of corn syrup can be made to taste like anything from blueberry cobbler to buttered popcorn. Blandness rules. And no one could be happier, except me.

I keep planning to cook less from scratch, so I will have more free time (though however much- or little- free time I have I seem to get the same amount done), but when I am reaching for that frozen mediocre pizza, I see a couple waddling towards me, unable to support themselves without a heavily-loaded shopping cart each to huddle over while panting, and I instead vow to cook more and do away with free time all together. Though I do get in a workout while in the kitchen while waiting for things to boil or bake and one can listen to music or audio books or even radio (I kid I kid)- would the women's right movement have ever taken place had mp3 players been available to the beatnik chicks- and I for my part believe that men were so horrified by the movement because it underlined for them how crazy women really were/are; you want to leave our comfortable home to come to the office and type? You're insane...do you think I work for fun? Or that selling copy machines and joshing with my seedy boss fulfills me?! Teresa loves all kinds of products that I can't even taste. Cereals, granola bars, snack mixes, and my food she often finds revolting. It has all kinds of textures and sensations in it. Yuck.

Flavor is a lot like personality. I told my friend once when she was lonely and depressed that if she wanted to find love she was going to have to be a lot less interesting. Personality never seems decent to those without much. And it is much harder to pair a strong beer with the right meal than a weak one- its why the most popular American beers, pizzas, television sitcoms, and everything, are predictable and mild. Your common human being finds a person like myself rather rough around the edges, in need of some sanding down. Pick up a personality and you might get a splinter in your finger. Take a bite out of a personality and you might have to spit it out. Now normal people- there's nothing to object to. You hardly even know they're there. Small price to pay for knowing you won't get shocked. Very easy to fall in love with, tolerate for a whole lot of years. Make ideal roomates. Personalities are always offending or impressing people. They have opinions, feelings, moods. Yuck.