Healthy Desserts

The world's greatest pecan pie is finally perfected, and I'm giving it to you free of charge.  Also a couple other "healthy" dessert ideas tacked on at the end.

What a nice guy I am, right?  Well it took me 3 attempts but here is a healthy, delicious artisan dessert for your next special occassion.  No corn syrup, no artificial ingredients, preservatives, or compromises.  Tons of natural flavor, and made with only ingredients known and available to Mesopotamia centuries ago.  I named it Canaan Pie because it is made with milk and honey, and in the Bible, Canaan was the name of the land of milk and honey.  Makes sense, eh?  I made this for "Thanksgiving in Zion National Park" with a big hiking and canyoneering group, and it was sort of a big hit, though I burned one of the pies.  Sadly, that one got sampled first, and by more people.

Part 1: Recipe for Canaan Pie:

Crust:
1 cup spelt flour
1 cup kamut flour
1/4 cup barley flakes
1/8 cup slivered almonds
1/2 stick butter
1 whole egg
2 tbsp oil of your choice 
Water as needed
Standard bleached baking flour as needed

Filling:
12 oz whole pecans
2 whole eggs
1/2 pint heavy cream
10-12 whole dried figs
1/4 cup currants
3 tbsp honey
1 tbsp molasses
Cinammon, nutmeg, and allspice
1/8 cup plum butter or pumpkin butter (optional)

Directions for crust: 
Spelt and kamut flours are more difficult than typical wheat flour, which is part of why the wheat we use won out.  For breads, they can be heavy and resistant to rising, but in a pie crust it doesn't matter.  These traditional whole grains will give a dark hearty crust.  Mix the 2 cups flour with water and oil, and blend in your egg, and the butter (melted, or just dice it cold if you like extra work or don't have a microwave).  I did this all by hand with a teardrop spatula.  Add water and white flour as needed until you've got a good dough that is behaving itself.  Add your barley flakes now and mix them in.  This way they don't pulverize completely.  Grease your pie pan and press the dough down into it, evening with fingers.  This is not going to be a delicate dough, so you can manhandle it and it shouldn't tear.  If it does, repair is easy.  Once you've got the crust laid out well, press the slivered almonds in gently, and somewhat evenly- again, this is done in a way so as not to crush them up too much.  You want your guests to know this is a special crust, hand-pressed with almonds with care.  Sprinkle lightly one last time with white flour to help prevent too much seepage into the crust by the fillings.

Directions for filling:
Dump 'em all in a bowl.  Stir them up.  Pour them over your crust and stir them up again.  Try to make things even so one piece isn't all fig or another piece all pecans.  But not much can go wrong here.  I assure you.  You can do this.  The optional pumpkin or plum butter will not change the flavor much, but it will change the color from a gold to a faint orange (pumpkin) or mahogany (plum).  I suggest halving your figs.  Do pull the stems out, even if you leave them whole.  I suppose if you fail to do THAT then something will go wrong here.  I shouldn't have assured you of success so soon.

Directions for baking:
Bake at 350 F in a pre-heated oven for 30 minutes, watching closely.  You lose flavor if it singes, so pull it when the top is getting browned.  Not all ovens work exactly alike.  Will set and thicken as it cools.  Main thing is, those eggs gotta be cooked.  Serve hot or cold.  Good both ways.  

Wow!  A new leaf- an actual recipe with directions, and not so much chatter.  Perhaps there is hope for this abandoned vacant ghost-blog after all.  Enjoy.  (Sorry I don't have pictures.)

 Part 2: Recipe for "Concrete Energy"

I'm pretty sure I wrote about this a long time back.  Let's not think how far back.  But it has a new name, so I will write it more concisely with proper detail.  This is a chilled snack made with granola and a "Honey Bunches of Oats" style cereal. The two are "cemented" together with a 50/50 mix of honey and PB.  Its high calorie, and a great on-the-go treat.  

Recipe:
12 oz granola
12 oz Honey Bunches of Oats (or your favorite generic option)
12 oz smooth peanut butter
12 oz honey

Can you remember all those numbers?  You can tinker.  Mix the dries in a bowl while you heat the peanut butter and honey over a light simmer on the stove, stirring often.  Once they are consistent, taste them and add more of one or the other as you prefer.  

Pour your glue over the cereal and mix together with a plastic spoon.  Let sit a minute while you grease a 9X12 glass baking dish.  Pour the mix in and pat it as evenly as possible, smoothing the top.  Cover and refridgerate several hours.  Cut it into squares and eat.  Keep it cool or it will come apart, but as you practice, you'll get better at it and there will be less crumbling. 

This was a very popular item at the same "Thanksgiving in Zion" event.

Make sure you exercise before you eat this, or you will get fat.  And die of a heart attack.  Reading that last sentence legally counts as a disclaimer.  Don't look it up, just trust me.  Would I lie to you, here at this little blog?

Part 3: Reposted: Chocolate Tofu Pie

Don't forget about this one if you like somewhat healthy desserts:

Its super simple:

Recipe:
1 lb silken tofu
9 oz dark chocolate (melted)
Whipped cream
Raspberries (or other fruit)
1 pre-made Graham Cracker Crust (or make your own- may I suggest the kamut/spelt crust from above)?

Just blend the melted chocolate and tofu in a blender or food processor.  Pour into the pie crust, and decorate the top.  No one needs to know its good for them until they are half finished with a slice, praising you around a full mouth!  Over 15 grams of protein per slice.  Less than 30 minutes start to finish!


Part 4:  "Oat the Door" Bars (newly renamed):

Just use the basic dry formula and the basic wet formula for unflavored, or change the recipe as noted for each flavor listed below.  These make great snacks for hiking or taking to work.  I haven't made them in over a year, and I do not know what is wrong with me!  This is a good reminder.  I was thinking of them because a friend just got the dreaded "high cholesterol" diagnosis, and is morosely crunching away on store-bought granola bars on her breaks.  Oats help reduce cholesterol and these keep for weeks in the fridge without preservatives, and are way better than anything you can buy.  Not THAT much work to make either.  Once you get the hang of them.

Recipe and Directions:


Dry: To be mixed by hand with a big spoon in a big bowl
2.5 cups of oats
1 cup whole wheat flour (or replace some of the wheat flour with a couple tablespoons of soy flour which has more protein)
1-2 tbsp of flaxseed meal (omega 3 fatty acids)
Some cinammon
Some allspice

Wet: To be heated on low in a pan
4 fluid oz corn syrup (I have been using light but I think dark might be better)
4 or so oz margarine or butter
1/3 cup sugar or brown sugar (depending on which variety or which you think will taste better)

That's it. You add the melted butter and liquids to your drys, stir them, dump them in a glass 9X13 bake dish which you: 1) grease plenty 2) put in the oven at 375 for 30-40 minutes.

You can be cleaned up completely in five minutes. They are really quite easy. And very adaptable. You can add a little water (less than 3 fluid oz) if you want them more soft. You can cut a pan of them into eight bars which are squarish, or 16 smaller granola bar sized bars (the new 100 calorie size).

Here are my varieties so far:

Orange-cranberry

Your add ins are: 1/4-1/2 cup craisins to your dry mixture, and  2 tsp orange emulsion to your wet


Tangy Apple Date

Your add-ins are: 1/2 cup chopped dates to your dry mix and 1 tbsp molasses and about 4 fluid oz of apple butter to your wet.

Iced Pumpkin Walnut Raisin

Add Ins: Dry: 1/8 cup or so chopped walnuts, 1/3 cup raisins, 1 cup of canned pumpkin (or a little over)

Wet: No additions

Icing: While baking (at the 15 minute mark), you will need to make your icing. Start with 2 oz butter or margaine in a small sauce pan and turn heat to low. Stir in sugar until it gets thick and squirt in a teaspoon or a little more of vanilla extract. Keep it warm With 5 minutes of your bake time left, pull out your bars and spread the icing over them. This won't cover everything evenly- I did tiger stripes. Then slide back in to bake those last few minutes and eat.  

(The pumpkin flavor is very good without the icing too.  Its not necessary unless you are using them as a dessert only).

Chocolate Coconut Cashew

Your add ins are: Either 1/4 cup chocolate chips or of make-your-own Dove chocolate chips made with a trusy knife and a little care, 1/4 cup of shaved coconut (have you noticed shaved coconut is like 3 times cheaper by weight than shredded; I don't care what shape my coconut flakes come in- do you?), 1/8 cup chopped cashews. Add all to your dry. No add ins to your wet- unless you want a little vanilla in there, which you just might. Doesn't that sound good? I bet it does.

 

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This Isn't A Party

Your weekly recipe, plus so much more. But not a squash review.  I got burned out on squashes, so that will come next week sometime when I try the last 3 varieties.

The Mrs and I attempted to host a cookie party this weekend, on December 1.  As a Saturday, that seemed like the perfect day to invite all our many few friends over to get Christmas cookies out of the way and ready to give away.  We thought his was an inspired idea, but apparently not because out of 12 invites, I had 0 come, and only 3 tell me no in a timely fashion.  Teresa invited about 400 people indirectly through Facebook after getting 5 direct no answers, and wound up with 5 friends coming.  One was a 9 year old who seized control of the apartment, and especially the kitchen, all cookie cutters and dough and would not even let me roll it out for him.  But the enthusiasm was welcome, actually.  Then he got bored, and was ready to go before anyone else had even touched a cutter, and sneered in that cute 9 year old way, "this isn't a party, no one is here."  I think he meant there were no kids, and no clowns, and no inflatable bounce castle, but I knew what he meant.  We gave people 2 weeks notice and still it was like we were suggesting to people that they come for a free dental inspection.  Does Utah hate cookies?  Perhaps, because I have yet to see a box of "Jingles" on sale here, and it took 3 years of living here before I ever crossed paths with a pack of molasses cookies.

Well, at least I got practice making cookie dough from scratch.  Whipped up 2 large batches of gingerbread and one double batch of spiced "sugar" cookies, which actually I would personally call "Dutch butter" cookies, because I put a BOX of butter into them following the recipe.  I was pretty sure this was written down wrong.  I'd personally have to say that this is a waste of money.  Sure butter is delicious, but a box of butter is like eating a whole pizza at once.  This does not in any way enhance the flavor of the first slice.  They are good, but so are regular sugar cookies and they don't destroy your heart while also working over your teeth.  I think one or the other sort of damage should be enough.

This all produced approximately 200 cookies of palm size.  And I will tell you from refusing to use a provided electric mixer (I don't own one) that there is no better forearm and abdominal workout than baking gingerbread.  Any kind of kneading and rolling is nice exercise, but gingerbread is a hearty dough, and I woke up Sunday morning with a shredded stomach and no memory of working out.  Then I realized it was the full body pressing and rolling that did it.  I had to roll everyone's because they thought they would break the table or hurt the dough or something by leaning into it.  Plus 9 year olds are not as staunch and buff as you and I were, to be sure.  I had the dough ready for guests who by some accident of rudeness came early (who does that?) and not fashionably late, and also, The Mrs showed up 11 seconds before her friends, so all the grunt work was mine. 

So it was fun anyway.  And yes people could eat cookies before electricity.  I have proved this, which even a few several 60+ year olds were trying to argue with me when I suggested I would just stir the dough by hand and knead it instead of mixing.  The Mrs suggested this would somehow break the whole baking process and the cookies would not work.  Not true.  Carpal tunnel syndrome knows no better cure than a good kneading either.  And yes, in those pictures above you do see a gingerbread Eiffel Tower, a gingerbread hand-cut teapot, a gingerbread Batman symbol, an authentically frosted Poke-ball (there was a 9 year old here remember), the Liberty Bell with 2 pigment frosted crack, Mario's face, and Salvador Dali as a purple-mustached toddler hippo in overalls.  I think Dali would approve of that particular rendition of his person.  And all from scratch, except for the frosting.  Though we did color it ourselves from white.

I am sure you have recipes for cookies, so I am not offering them, but I do suggest adding nutmeg and extra ginger to your gingerbread.  I made mine extra strong and have received no end of compliments on it.  The best compliment is watching people pig on it.  And for original cookie shapes, I suggest a Viennese, or teardrop spatula, which I have to find a task it is ill-suited to.  They are surprisingly hard to find though.

***
Teresa and I made burgers that evening, with some organic grass-fed beef I found on super clearance.  They were tremendous.  Here are 2 recipes for burgers, one of which I offered before:

1. My favorite
1 lb ground beef
1/8 cup raisins
1/8 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
1 tsp Onion powder
1 tbsp Urban Accents Mongolian Ginger BBQ mix (mustard powder, sugar, sea salt, minced garlic, orange peel, ginger, spinach powder, pepper, wasabi powder- if you can't find it, you may be able to simulate it off that with a pinch of everything.  Or get lazy and just use mustard and ginger.  Probably close.)

2. A new great one
1 lb ground beef
1/8 cup craisins
1 tsp onion powder
1 tbsp Herbs de Provence

Herbs de Provence is a delicious aromatic mix similar to Italian seasonings great on pizza, potatoes, and apparently, in hamburgers.  The Mrs is wild for them.  To pick out a good bottle of Herbs de Provence, look for a glass bottle you can see through and count your lavender flowers.  This (and fennel seed) is really what separates the mix from Italian seasoning, and a cheaper mix will have only a few crushed purple bulbs, while a good mix will be rife with them. 

***
Because I, like Homer Simpson, and early East Coast Native Americans, cannot resist cheap pork, I have a freezer full of meat again.  I digress here but I read one story during the King Philip's War, where some colonists were able to lure many "savage" warriors to their deaths by offering a pork feast.  Not with promises of truce or friendship or under a white flag.  They simply put down their muskets and cooked some pork up.  The Natives all came trooping in, had a good meal, and then calmly went about being stabbed to death, seemingly considering it a good bargain.  Well, we even wound up with some turkey drumsticks, though poultry scares me, as I've mentioned.  These were huge too, and probably genetically enhanced and hopped up on drugs.  I hope the bird had a nice life, and they were semi-local, meaning from within the state, or so I think.  After a raucous Thanksgiving which reminded me what an odd and bastardized celebration it has become, Teresa and I made Jamaican Jerk smoked turkey legs which I thought were great.  She felt they were too smokey, though in my limited experience, smoked anythings are for men, Germans, and especially, German men.  That includes smoked beer, which is interesting, if not inspired.  Along with our turkey we made Patriot Potatoes once again, and I offer the basic ingredients below.

1 red potato, 1 purple potatoes, 1 yukon gold potato
1/4 stick of butter
A little milk
Herbs de Provence or "The Gourmet Collection Roast Vegetable and Fry Mix" (salt, onion powder, paprika, red pepper, sugar, mustard powder, garlic, celery seed, black pepper, coriander, oregano, cumin, sage- again, you may be able to fabricate this if you can't find the real thing or something close, though I expect with this one you can)
1/8 cup Bread Crumbs
Kerry Gold Dubliner Cheese or a well aged cheddar if you can't find that one
Green peas, corn, black beans, or kidney beans (all optional)

Boil your potatoes, then drain some of the water off, mash down, add milk and butter until right consistency is reached.  Then season.  Stop there, or: mix in desired vegetables/legumes, slice a little cheese and throw it on top, and then top with bread crumbs.

I usually eat the potatoes plain the first go around and then to warm leftovers in a toaster oven, I top with some thin cheese and bake the bread crumbs on top.  To each his own.

Now why is Thanksgiving so odd?  Well, like many holiday get togethers with friends or family I end up at, mostly people just sighed about how tired they were and how thankful they were it would all be over soon.  Also, no one needs a feast, vast amounts of food were left over which no one seemed to want, certain people started getting on other certain people's nerves, no one remembers even the phony history we made up to justify the holiday and make our ancestors look good (which is a sweet lie for the children, by the way, and maybe helps them start off as better people), and everyone spent 80 % of the party saying they really had to be somewhere else and that they were going to get their coats and go (I hate long goodbyes.  If you are at my place and say you need to go, you'd better get out faster than I can pull off a band-aid, or I will kick you out, be all here or don't be here at all), and the most resounding thing I heard all day was "we've never been able to shop as a family on Black Friday before, so we're all really excited to spend some time together tomorrow."  Um, can I even add commentary to that?

***
Your unsolicited musical advice for this week:  Arvo Part's Fratres is a serial composition which is very beautiful.  You can find it on Amazon under just that title by the label Naxos for not very much money, or perhaps your local library.  The story behind the piece is even better: in an occupied/domineered USSR nation, some of Stalin's henchmen were always about meddling and threatening composers, which they masked as compliments and suggestions from the great man, such as "Comrade Stalin advises against getting lost in serial compositions, re-exploring already-completed works.  Just get it right the first time."  Which in Russian translates to, "do you want to end up in a gulag or a dumpster?"  Arvo Part then began serializing his little piece Fratres right after.  So the music is both stirring, and the chamber hall equivalent of a pair of raised middle fingers to a dictator.  Way to go Arvo, who I believe is still composing.

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The Drizzle: Gourmet Heaven

Fairhaven District in Bellingham, WA is the best eating I've ever had (other than my own cooking). 

My trip to Washington was about mountains and hiking.  I loved the idea of a several week trip out there for months because I could look forward to beaches, mountains, forests, basically everything.  What I did not expect when heading to the Cascades though, was accidentally finding a gourmet mecca.  Fairhaven District is a 3 square block historical zone inside the town of Bellingham at the end of the comically-named Chuckanut Highway (not worth driving).  I headed there because a sign for "Colophon Cafe" on the freeway (I-5) caught my eye when I was hungry.  Immediately as I drove into this little downtown, I was a bit overwhelmed.  I threw on the nicest clothes I had (or at least the ones not covered with mud and mountain sweat) and decided to make an afternoon of things before heading into the Cascades National Park.

Once I found Colophon Cafe I got down to real business.  The menu grabbed me when I noticed a 3 soup sampler.  I was able to get a bowl of African Peanut (their specialty), Greek Lemon Chicken (their soup of the day), and the obligatory Clam Chowder, Northwest style.  I like that in Washington Chowder is Northwest Chowder, while in Oregon and California, they call it Boston Chowder.  Take some pride, Fairhaven!  

All 3 soups were great.  The chowder was very fresh with potatoes, carrots, and greens, not fishy at all or stale like canned varieties or what you find away from the shore.  The Greek soup was good, very lemony though not tart, with lots of herbs and rice.  The best though was this African Peanut soup.  Its marvelous.  Here is a link to the pdf of the recipe, which Colophon provides free on their website along with others: 

http://www.colophoncafe.com/pdf/african_peanut_soup.pdf

And here is the main website link:

http://www.colophoncafe.com/index.htm

I am in shock that this recipe is readily available. I was scribbling down the ingredients off the menu, and trying to be sneaky about it.  It is probably too much work for most, especially when one is local and a bowl costs $3.95, and perhaps, when it fails at home, that drives more customers back, not less?  Well, let me say, the turkey is not necessary.  You could easily make this as a vegan option by starting with vegetable stock and I think it would still be amazing, maybe more so, as more could enjoy it.  The turkey is "gravy".  It was not bad or out of place, but it did not add anything for me. 

The cafe also serves great old fashioned ice creams and other desserts, and is connected to a gift shop and a fine local book store. Also attached to Colophon Cafe in back is one of the most remarkable businesses on earth: a tasting bar...for gourmet Balsamic Vinegars and Olive Oils!

Now I was full, but had to see what this was all about, so I wandered back to "The Drizzle."  My first sip of black cherry balsamic vinegar from a paper cup filled from a huge stainless steel drum later, I was dizzy with excitement.  It was amazing!  Fig blend was sold out (though I've since adored it at home), but apricot was another winner.  White apple was a bore. Champignon olive oil could be made at home cheaper.  And easily.  Just add mushrooms to your olive oil.  But there were also walnut oils, truffle oils, dark chocolate balsamic (meh), espresso balsamic (yeck), and one that nearly made me puke.  I think it was pineapple balsamic vinegar, which triggers my gag instinct right off, but I can't quite be sure of that.  Might have been mango balsamic.  Tropical, anyway.

The idea is simple: find what you like, grab one of the toadies to fill a bottle for you ($10, $15, or $20 sizes) and head home.  

Your other option for gourmet balsamic vinegars is to try this website, which is basically the same store but with an economy size option (100 ml for $5.95) and without the dark chocolate balscamic: 

 http://theoliveoilpantry.com

Or try infusing your own.  Apricot and black cherry were my favorites, and I was told fig balsamic is the very best seller.  At "The Drizzle" the toadies suggest olive oils and meals to pair with your choices.  I'd say if all else fails, put it on a salad, eat in on toast, or drink it straight like kalua.  They are good!


The entire town of Fairhaven in Washington is a foodie paradise.  Here is a picture of a macadamia nut mousse I had for dessert after eating 2 dinners (hey I hiked for a week and was hungry!)

Fairhaven is possibly my favorite place on Earth that the mark of human civilization has touched.  So far.  A charming town with an outdoor theatre, live music all summer, old-fashioned shoppes, hotels, no fast food or chain stores, ocean access, tons of options for amazing food, and it is right at the doorway to the Northern Cascades, a wild place to hike and climb.  Go there someday. It is technically part of the city of Bellingham.

If you do get to Washington, but not Fairhaven, some great soups can be had at any Safeway.  I enjoyed the uber-fattening "Beef Stroganoff Soup" (960 calories in one sitting), a great tomato and bell pepper bisque (always good: 540 calories) and a Coconut and Red Curry Chicken Bisque (720 calories) with rice and vegetables.  Many other flavors are available, not all disgustingly salty and bad for you, though if you want to hike 160 miles in 15 days like me, you will be eating these in under 3 minutes and still losing weight, like I did, and still being dehydrated and salt deprvied.  And you'll be going through whole jars of peanut butter every day too.  Exercise and eat what you like, that's what I say.  And then hit the wine or beer aisle of the nearest grocery.  So many options. 

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Forty Dollar Lamb

If you have 40 days and 40 nights to spare, try making this meal.

I exaggerate a little. It is mostly done in a slow cooker. And if you can chop even a little, you can make this delicious, perhaps, even, heavenly lamb tagine. Or stew. Or curry. Stewgine. Well, I combined a fruit tagine heavy on curry powder and a classic tomato and pepper stew recipe together because I could not decide between them, so I am not sure what to call it. I was thinking Miracle Manger Tagine, but Forty Dollar Lamb sounds good too, as you could easily charge that in a restaurant if your table cloth is white enough and well starched and you have a maitre-de with the proper upward tilt to his disdainful and superior chin. I left everything big, because that is a more classic slow cooker feel to me. I thought this collision of flavors would jump and jive well, but it could have fallen on its face and not shocked me. You will need:

1.5 lbs lamb stew meat or shoulder roast
4 potatoes (I used red and left skin on)
4 large carrots
1 green tart apple (leave the skin on)
1 unripe green banana
8-12 oz cut green beans
1/2 can coconut milk
1/2 can tomato sauce (plain)
4-6 mint leaves (fresh if possible, or try peppermint extract, or failing even that, anise extract)
1 cinnamon stick
1 tsp cardamom
1.5 tsp black pepper
1 clove garlic minced
1 diced tomato, or 1/4 can diced tomato
3-4 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp butter
Medium to large slow cooker

Quinoa, cous-cous, rice or barley

Lamb is an excellent meat to work with in today's meat world, because it is not eaten enough to get the full fast-food treatment and have its life streamlined to a short, sad, scary efficiency. The flesh is full of flavor that rolls around all over your tongue, and it melts and still has fat in it. Imagine that: marbling! Beef gets worse all the time. Any slow foodist knows it. Chicken is too disgusting to think about and turkey can be worked with, but only if you hit yourself in the head with a mallet or the bottom half of a bottle of kalua first. You don't want to know what percentage of chicken can be feces legally by weight and volume. Oh wait, I think I told you once already in a blog.

Start by braising or searing your lamb. Use your slow cooker if you have a high setting, by chopping your meat and putting it in along the bottom, alone and dry. Let it brown, but not char. You will want the contrast of well-done lamb in this curry stew. While that starts, chop your vegetables. Use all the fat, it will melt into the body. Don't trim lamb. If a person complains the meat is fatty, they shouldn't be eating lamb. The fat will not be chewy like with some other meats and is part of the delicacy of lamb.

Once your meat is brown and mostly cooked, put in your potatoes and carrots, and coconut milk and tomato sauce. Let go on low for 2 hours or so. Then add your apples, green beans, spices and seasonings, garlic, olive oil, tomatoes, and butter. Let it go another 2 hours or so. Check on the vegetables for desired tenderness with a fork. The butter is optional at any point as a thickener if you need it. Slice half your banana as a last step and put it in for just a half hour at most.

Boil the grain of your choice and put the lamb and vegetables and sauce over it. I used quinoa, and they went very well together. This was one of the best things I have eaten in a long time. One of my favorite dishes. I think a gourmet would have a hard time identifying all the flavors but would approve heartily. It was excellent, delicious, and mouth watering. It would have been perfect had I not put my apples in so early and made them mushy. I corrected that above and suggested to not add them with the potatoes and carrots as I did. Mesmerizing. And if you think I am merely tooting my own horn, try to find other such words in my previous posts. Or ask Camila. Pretty good on my scale is a darn fine compliment. If I tell you your dish is very good, it probably means you should expect me to have diverted a parade route through your bedroom by tomorrow morning.

The above recipe will feed 6 people one full size portion each, unless they are pigs. Though that will leave them wanting more. You could satisfy 4 without a dessert. It does not recapture everything with reheating.

And now for dessert:

Apple Pear Raspberry Granola Crunch

You need:

3 apples (any variety: skin them only if you want to. May I suggest zebra tanning them? That's half skinning)
2 pears (skin them)
1.5 cups apple-raspberry granola or as close to that as you can arrange
1/2 cup whole oats
1.5 tsp vanilla
1/3 cup brown sugar
cinnamon
allspice
nutmeg
touch of lemon juice
8X11 casserole dish

You can reduce your sugar usage a lot by substituting vanilla. This almost qualifies as a health dish, but will be sweet enough for any tooth with some vanilla ice cream on top.

Grease your dish, slice your apples and pears, toss them in a big bowl with everything else. Pour it into the cassarole and smooth and flatten it as you can. You could try a bit of corn syrup if you want it to stick together like bars, but it should hold somewhat together after baking. Use the vanilla and spices to smell: if it smells delicious while you are tossing it, then they are probably right. If your mouth is not watering, shake in a bit more of whatever you fancy. Its hard to overdue vanilla, though a little goes a long way. Cinnamon also. Hold your nutmeg as large doses cause a) nausea, and b) peyote-like hallucinations, and c) vomiting after the visions. Or if you want to have a really interesting game of Pictionary after dessert...

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ice cream sandwiches

I made ice cream sandwiches the other day; as a pastime and as a source of deliciousness, I highly recommend it.

I will confess, I was lazy and bought the ice cream (on a great sale, too) rather than making it myself because I did not feel like making ice cream. THERE I SAID IT. I am on vacation and had plenty of time, but I felt like buying it (full of all kinds of preservatives and "chocolate flavored chips" even) rather than making it myself.

Also, the freezer bowl wasn't frozen. So there's that.

Anyway, they were delicious! And quite easy...

I just made Smitten Kitchen's oreos (which I have also made as actual oreos, which were a hit among people who like oreos... which does not include me) but, of course, without the filling. I would also recommend undercooking them a bit, for extra chewiness and less crunchiness.

I filled them with mint chocolate chip ice cream -- softened, of course, by letting it sit in the fridge for a while and on the counter for a while -- squished down, wrapped in wax paper and froze 'till solid.

We then carried them in a cooler onto a river, where we ate them while floating along in tubes. Again, as a wonderful summer experience... highly recommended! I will posit that just while food is more delicious the higher up a mountain you are, ice cream is also more delicious the farther from ice cream trucks you are.

But even if you don't have a river to float down, make some ice cream cookies! they are quite delicious, AND very fun to squish together!

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The Enchanted Afternoon...

I had a tea party a little while back, a dresses-mandatory, midafternoon little-sandwiches-and-all tea party. I did one last summer (or was it two summers ago?) as well, so I had a little bit of experience. Was that enough to keep me from making WAY too much food?

No. No it was not.



This was the menu:
-bread, cheese and fruit platter
-strawberries and slightly sweetened whipped cream
-scones (plain and raisin)
-lemon curd
-tea-time tassies (mini pecan tarts)
-two tarts, a peach-and-pastry cream one and a lemon-curd-and-raspberry one
-a rhubarb coffee cake
-cucumber sandwiches (with butter or with mint chutney)
-turkey and cranberry-mustard sandwiches (open-face)
-cheese-and-nut sandwiches
-watercress-and-egg sandwiches
-shortbread cookies with chocolate ganache and whipped cream
-cream puffs
- sorbet (which we didn't even eat at the party, because there just wasn't room)
-and, of course, different teas (hot and cold), lemonade, juice and water.

(And may I say that I couldn't have made all these wonderful things without the assistance of my marvelous sous-chefs... I have very tolerant friends!)

Excessiveness is a pretty essential part of any tea party, I think... I mean, the whole thing is completely ridiculous and over the top, and you just sort of have to embrace that. However, the above menu (for about 14 people) is definitely over-the-top. As a two-time tea party host, here is what I've learned about the essentials and superfluities of a tea party:

First of all, the ABSOLUTE essentials:
- Tea. duh.
- Scones. They're just... so tea-party-esque.
- The tea-time tassies. They are small, they are adorable, they are not very hard to make, and they are DELICIOUS.
- Fresh fruit. Easy and a nice, light break from the heavier foods.
- The sandwiches. I mean, it wouldn't be a tea party without them.
- And finally, a fancy dessert. So far, I've done tarts and a trifle, and I think they were both excellent options.

The optional touches:
- Strawberries and whipped cream -- turns the fruit option into something much more desserty.
- Cream puffs. I think they're super-fun to make, and they definitely seemed like a big hit.
- Flavored spreads. I had these at the last tea party -- honey-orange butter, herbed butter, etc. They're really easy (soften butter and blend in the add-in) and they're great on the plain scones.
- Lemon curd. SO good. And not too hard to make, if you heed my super-secret advice. Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Here it is: USE A MICROWAVE. Yeah. Last time I was up until 2 a.m. waiting for my lemon curd to thicken. The microwave can do it in minutes, guaranteed -- you just need to check every 30 seconds to make sure it doesn't overcook.

And the absolutely not needed:
- Coffee cake. It was delicious, but man, what was I thinking? Coffee cake is a great breakfast item, a wonderful snack on it's own -- but too heavy and large for a tea party. Scones fill the carb slot pretty perfectly.
- Bread, cheese and veggies. I set these out because I thought there wouldn't be enough food... again, what was I thinking? Also, clearly much too healthy for a tea party. Although certainly tasty.
- Shortbread cookies. They were just too much. I think they could be perfect for a tea party, but I just had too much food and these weren't bringing much, flavor-wise.
- Sorbet. It was chocolate sorbet, very delicious, totally unnecessary.

So there's my advice, in case you're ever planning on throwing a tea party. Here are a few easy recipes, for good measure:

Sandwiches: (These come from my Tea and Teatime Recipes book, so thanks, Maggie Stuckey!)

Cucumber sandwiches:
Slice cucumbers, sprinkle with a few tablespoons of mild vinegar, salt, and pepper. Toss, and let drain in a coliander for half an hour. Spread softened butter thinly on fresh white bread, then layer cucumbers. Top with another buttered slice of bread, cut off crusts, and slice sandwiches into small rectanbles or triangles.

Cheese and nut sandwiches (these are my favorite!)
Soften 1 brick of cream cheese in the microwave for 15 seconds, then add 2 tablespoons milk and beat until smooth and spreadable. Add 3/4 cup celery, diced, and 3/4 cup walnuts, chupped. Spread thickly on whole wheat bread, top with another slice of bread, remove crusts and slice sandwiches into small rectangles or triangles.

Turkey and cranberry-mustard sandwiches:
Mix equal parts Dijon mustard and cranberry sauce. Spread on sourdough bread and top with a deli slice of turkey. Cut off crusts and either slice sandwiches into small rectangles or triangles, or use a sharp cookie cutter of your choice.

Egg and watercress sandwiches:
Boil eggs and rinse watercress. Butter rye bread, cover with watercress and overlapping slices of egg, then top with another buttered piece of bread. Trim off crusts and cut into small rectangles.

Lemon Curd (also from Tea Time book):

In microwaveable bowl, beat together:
4 eggs
2 cups sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt

Stir in:
1/4 cup buter, softened
1/2 cup lemon juice
2 tablespoons grated lemon zest.

Heat on high in microwave for 2 minutes, and then for 30-second intervals, beating each time removed from microwave. When it thickens (you'll be able to tell, I promise! it will become more spreadable and less pourable, and start making fun gloppy sounds when you stir) stop microwaving and refrigerate until cold. The curd will be even thicker when it cools.

Tasty and really fancy-seeming desserts:

Tart:
Make a pate sucree and bake in a tart shell. (That recipe is far more simple and helpful than anything I could write up! If you are having troubles, consult my favorite online pastry expert: Joe. He's got great articles on making, rolling and baking tart shells.)

Let cool completely, then cover the bottom of the tart with cold lemon curd. Dot artistically with fresh raspberries... or just throw them on, it'll taste the same. Chill, and serve cold to ooohs and ahhhs.

Raspberry Trifle:
You will need:
- Cake
- Raspberry liqueur (what a funny-looking word)
- Apricot preserves (my Tea Time book says you can also use baby food pureed fruit. So, maybe try that if you are less weirded out by that than I am).
- Frozen raspberries, thawed to pleasant mushiness
- Fresh raspberries
- Vanilla pudding and lemon pudding
- Whipped cream.

Cut the cake into little pieces. (This is a great way to save a cake that fell apart when it comes out of the oven! I made a chocolate trifle out of a chocolate cake disaster, chocolate ganache and whipped cream, and while it was a dense and intense pile of disguised failure... it was delicious. And nobody will know unless you tell them!)

Cover the bottom of a trifle dish (a clear, straight-sided bowl will do... or lacking that, any clear and bowl-like container) with a layer of the cake. Sprinkle with liqueur, then spread on a thin layer of preserves -- it might help if you heat the preserves so they are pourable. Add half your frozen raspberries, then one of your puddings.

Otra vez! Repeat the above. Top with anything that's left over (if you have more cake, say) and then whipped cream and the fresh raspberries. This makes a HUGE and beautiful and delicious tea party dessert.

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chocolate strawberry and banana crepes for two

You will need:

One (1) summer evening in a monsoon-humid desert
Two (2) kids in love
Seven (7) more days

One (1) cup of flour, organic because you care about the world
Two (2) eggs, free-range because you care about the chickens
One and a quarter (1.25) cups of milk, regular old earth-destroying cow-torturing industrial milk, because have you seen how much it would cost to care about the cows??

Pinch of salt
Tablespoon of sugar
Dash of cinnamon

Two (2) tablespoons of butter, melted and cooled
One (1) tablespoon of butter, unmelted

Two (2) chocolate bars, milk or dark according to your preferences.
Six (6) beautiful strawberries
One (1) banana


Dump flour, sugar, salt and cinnamon into a bowl -- that's a cup, a tablespoon a pinch and a dash. Add the cup-and-a-quarter of milk and beat until smooth. Don't taste it right now. It tastes like flour and water, like a disaster waiting to happen, like a flavorless mess. Add another pinch of cinnamon.

Add the two eggs, and beat until smooth and very-slightly frothy. No, don't taste it yet. What's that? You say it still tastes like flour and water, but eggy now, boring, flat, and that you're scared your crepes will never turn out and nothing turns out how you want it to and that you'll never amount to anything in life, it's all just too hard? How can you do it? How can you do it if you can't even make crepes?

Didn't I tell you to be patient?

Everything will be okay. I promise.

Pour in the two tablespoons of butter and stir, and watch as the transformation happens. Don't see anything? Go ahead. Try some. It tastes sweet and rich and delicate, simple, spectacular, and all-around delicious. Didn't I tell you?

Butter is magical like that.

Cover with plastic wrap and place in the fridge. Let the batter think about its lot in life for a moment.

Pull out your beloved double boiler and melt the chocolate, or if your life is sorrowfully lacking in a beloved double boiler, melt the chocolate careful-slow in the microwave -- stir often. Or make ganache; chop the chocolate, heat an equal amount of heavy cream to just barely a boil, then pour the cream over the chocolate, step back, and meditate for five minutes. That means don't touch the chocolate, and that means you. It needs a moment to think about its lot in life.

Five minutes passed? Feeling any better? Take a deep breath and whisk until smooth.

You really just want to make your chocolate spreadable. You could use chocolate sauce from the store if you wanted to. But isn't life too short to pass up an opportunity to make ganache?

Wash and slice the strawberries. Peel and slice the bananas. Add a dash of lemon juice and cover in plastic wrap.

Heat your best, non-stick-iest skillet. Mark Bittman recommends medium, but he must have a very different stovetop than you. You want water droplets to dance, and here that means the high end of medium-high.

Dance, water droplets, dance!

Pull out the batter, and beat once again. By now it should have realized that the highest aim of its existence is to become many thin, delicious, delicate circles of crepey perfection.

When your skillet is hot, begin making the crepes: smear some butter on the skillet, spoon on a tablespoon-or-so of batter, tilt and turn with a twist of your wrist 'til the batter is spread out thin-as-can-be. Wait until the top turns solid, and then with a sneaky little spatula, grab it and flip. It doesn't rip as easily as it looks like it will, don't worry. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.

Keep going; one after another after another. I know it's 90 degrees outside (after sunset!) and you want to be as far away from a source of heat as possible, but keep going. Sometimes good things require work. It'll be worth it. Trust me.

Stack the crepes on a plate and cover with a towel until you're done. Add bananas and chocolate to a crepe; roll it up. Add strawberries and chocolate to a crepe; roll it up.

Do you have any walnuts or pecans? Roast those (I know, I know, the skillet is hot, but at least it's not the oven). Smear chocolate on a crepe, sprinkle on walnuts, roll up.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

The leftover bits of strawberry and banana? Dip them in the leftover chocolate; pop in mouth. Think of it as a preview.

Arrange the crepes on a plate, then sprinkle powdered sugar on top through a sieve or cheesecloth. It'll be a lot of crepes. It'll be way too many crepes for two people.

But you know what? If you've had super-practical rice and beans for dinner, healthy and cheap and simple and fast and ordinary, don't hesitate at the thought of eating far more crepes than anybody ever ought to. Not just this once.

Clear off the table. Turn down the lights, so you can't see the pile of dishes, or laundry to be folded, or the lists of things-to-do-before-we-move.

Sit down. Eat crepes. Close eyes.

Savor.

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Chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookies

Say it. "Chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookies."

"Chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookies." It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? The sweet, sweet sound of genius. That's what it is.

"Chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookies." Oh yeah. Why have I never experienced this joy before? Why haven't more than 8 people had this idea? "Chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookies." That, my friends, is bliss in five words.



So these aren't technically chocolate chip cookies, even though I followed this recipe. They're more pulverized-chocolate-chunk cookies. They were going to be plain old chocolate chunk, but I had bought a bunch of bags of Dove chocolate on sale, and I was going to cut those up... but that's a lot of work! So back when I made this dough, I threw the chocolate in the food processor, and wound up with a few lovely chunks and lots of little shards.



I was sorely disappointed, and while William insisted that they're perfectly fine, I cannot help but feel as if the dispersed chocolate just doesn't have the same delightfully chocolatey effect. So, obviously, this time I had to cover them in chocolate.

The magic happens!

It was crazy easy. I had frozen some of the dough from when I made these cookies before, and all I had to do was thaw it in the fridge, slice it up and bake the cookies for 10 minutes. I melted the chocolate (more dark Dove -- this post should be an ad for Dove chocolate, it really should) in my beloved double boiler, dipped in the cookies, and popped them in the fridge.



I did not temper the chocolate. Truth be told, it didn't even occur to me. You know why? Because I wanted chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookies (say it again!) and I wanted them right away, and tempering would have taken lots more time and effort than I was willing to expend. That's why. So yes, they had to go in the fridge, and they have to stay in the fridge, and as you eat them the chocolate gets all over your fingers. That's the best part! Licking dark chocolate off your fingertips after devouring a deliciously delectable chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookie? Man, that's the sort of thing I live for.

Moral of the story: You need more chocolate-covered chocolate chip cookies in your life right about now.


Oh yes.

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mucking around

Last night I made potato pancakes with carrots, peas, bell pepper and corn in them. They held together poorly and were incredibly greasy. It's a pity, because I think there was a lot of potential there -- even in that sad state, they tasted pretty good. William, of course, liked them -- greasy hash browns with vegetables? What's not to love?

While trying to figure out how to made them, I looked up recipes for classic potato pancakes, for croquettes, and for boxty. Heh. Boxty. I've had boxty... they're, um, potato pancakes. With a funnier name! Next time, instead of mucking around (fun though that is), I think I will just straight-up make croquettes. Well. I think that's what I should do next time... but in all probability, I will just muck around.

I tell myself that "just mucking around" is actually a complex learning process in which I am experimenting in a natural and holistic way to discover what works and what doesn't in a kitchen, and that if I keep it up, I will someday be a cook -- someone who does more than just follow recipes. It will give me a deeper understanding of the true nature of cooking and allow me to follow my whims, and the constraints of my pantry, and truly create dishes of my own. I strongly suspect, however, that it really is just mucking around.

Speaking of just mucking around, I have 4 pielets in the oven. Pielettes? Minipies? I could say tarts, but they're sort of... I dunno. Taller than that.

One is apple/strawberry/raspberry, one apple/strawberry/pineapple, one banana/strawberry, and one -- aw, shoot, what is that one, hold on while I check -- right, apple/pineapple/raspberry. The raspberries aren't that important, because I'm pretty sure they'll be delicious no matter what -- the real experiment is apple/strawberry vs. apple/strawberry/pineapple vs apple/pineapple. The banana/strawberry is a wildcard.

That was a lot of slashes. The point is, I am just mucking around and pretending it is An Experiment. True story? I wanted pies. Those were the fruits I had. I wasn't confident that any of those combinations would work well, I didn't have that much of any fruit, I improvised.

And, you know, instead of mixing the fruit in bowls with sugar and cornstarch, just put the fruit in and haphazardly sprinkled the dry stuff over it. Sometimes I put in bits of butter... sometimes I didn't. Gosh. If these turn out it will be entirely despite me.

(Dinner tonight was peanut-sauced noodles topped with bell pepper, carrot and tofu. It was going to have bean sprouts, too, but... I forgot. It's like when I put things in the fridge, they don't exist any more! At least I turned the oven off this time... and didn't manage to set off any fire alarms. I'd say that's an improvement.)

ETA: Having sampled the apple-pineapple and apple-strawberry pie babies, I can authoritatively report two facts: 1) Camila really likes pineapple pie, but neither Andrew nor Willikers did, and 2) Camila should have been much, much more haphazard in her sprinkling of cornstarch. By which I mean those things were JUICY.

did you see how that was in the third person? That's right. That's because I was being SCIENTIFIC and OBJECTIVE.

Ayup.

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rice and beans is pretty much perfection

"Darling," I said, "to honor your entrance into this world, I will cook for you whatever your heart desires on this special day."

Or, "Hey, it's your birthday, whaddaya want for dinner?" Either way, same idea -- I offered William any meal he wanted -- even meat, I said!

"OOOH!" he said. "Can you make rice and beans?"

Talk about easy to please!

He has a point, though. Rice and beans may well be the most perfect meal ever. When we all arrive in heaven, perhaps we will be fed rice and beans for the rest of eternity. If you think that wouldn't be a sweet, sweet deal, then you've never had good rice and beans!

I have fond memories from Costa Rica of eating gallo pinto for breakfast, and lunch, and dinner... mm, delicious. Speaking of Costa Rica, I don't know where my yucca bread recipe went... that is a culinary treasure right there, notes scrawled in my schoolgirl spanish while I tried to follow my host mom's bemused instructions. "Put it in a hot oven," she said. "How hot?" I asked. "Bastante," she said. "Hot enough."

"For how long?" "Until it's done."

Man, I hope I still have that somewhere.

Anyway. The point is, I made William rice and beans for his birthday.


But not just any rice and beans. Rice and beans that were CHOCK FULL of vegetables.

That's pretty much one of the best things about rice and beans. There's a continuum of complexity, and the dish gets better as you move up, but it starts out pretty spectacularly.

White rice mixed with canned black beans, drained. Dude. Most basic thing ever, and yet right there you have a fat-free, high-fiber, complete protein. Top it with salsa and cheese, serve it with fruit, BAM -- balanced meal!

But saute onions and garlic, then add the beans and then the rice -- dude. Perfection. That is gallo pinto right there. Slap some Salsa Lizano and some cilantro on it? Brilliant. Pure brilliance.

But wait! Add some bell pepper -- green, red, yellow, whatever. Now you have color! and more flavor! it's brilliant.

But the rice and beans aren't done with you, oh no! Add some cumin and some cayenne pepper -- a little bit of flavor, a little bit of kick. Add lime juice. Add mango, chopped up real small.

Add carrots -- the carrots are what really make it, I think. Saute them until they're almost tender, but still have a bit of a bite to them -- adds texture, color, flavor, a different shape...

and then you can mix up the beans -- black, red, kidney, pinto, getting crazy! And you can throw in lots of vegetables, or just a little, or spice the heck out of it, or not at all, and you can get fancy, or super plain, and pretty much no matter what you do it is still delicious.

And maybe BEST OF ALL, you can eat it by itself, or in burritos, or in quesadillas, or heck, in soup!

Endless variations. Incredibly nutritious. DIRT CHEAP.

I'm telling you. God eats rice and beans.

(that is dessert in the background)

This particular incarnation featured sweet onions, garlic, red and green bell pepper, carrots, asparagus, and black and kidney beans with plain white rice. Cumin and cayenne pepper, a little bit of lime juice, served with salsa and cilantro and cheddar cheese and homemade tortillas.

(Recipe? Gently saute garlic 'til it's odiferous. Add carrots and onions, saute 'til almost to your liking. Add chopped bell peppers and asparagus -- continue for another couple minutes. Toss in a can or two of beans, drained but not rinsed, and stir 'till heated through. Shake on some spices. Add the rice, stir, shake on some more spices, and serve. Beeeautiful.)

My homemade tortillas are still just kind of eh -- which, for being so cheap they're practically free, isn't bad. But I tend to aim higher than eh.

I'm working on learning how to make almost all our staple items -- bread, tortillas, pitas, one of these days I might even try bagels. Unfortunately, I have this problem of aiming high. I don't just want to make something well enough that it can adequately replace what we could buy -- it has to be mindblowing. I don't want my bread to meet the standard I hold for storebought bread -- oh no. It's going to have to be MUCH, MUCH better.

Right now I have the excuse that i've been seriously baking for all of a month -- but pretty soon, that's going to run out. And I'm going to have to shape up. My tortillas won't be allowed to just be okay any more -- I'm going to have to find out how to make them a little more flexible, a little less floury-tasting, a lot more extraordinary. Mindblowing. Someday I will make mindblowing tortillas. I am thinking of spicy tortillas, of spinach tortillas, of corn tortillas with just the right amount of texture, of flour tortillas that never rip. I am thinking of tortillas like manna from heaven.

But they're okay right now.

Dessert, on the other hand? Pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.


William wanted apple pie, but decided having a whole pie for just the two of us would be excessive. "OOH," he said. "Could you make little pies?"

They aren't tarts. They are miniature pies. Why? Because that is cooler, that's why. Nyah.

They also helped push us over our grocery budget for the month, because I bought an excessive amount of apples and little bitty pie tins, but WHATEVER. It was the boy's birthday, for heaven's sake.


The recipe was good old Joy O' Cooking, cut just about in half and miniaturized into four little tarts. I barely even variated -- twice as much cinnamon and nutmeg (and why would nutmeg be optional in an apple pie, hmm?) -- but that's it, really.

Drove myself crazy with the tiny, tiny lattices -- popped 'em in the oven 'till they looked done. Then pulled them out, completely crushing one of them in the process (I have this habit of touching really hot pieces of metal, and then screaming and dropping things. Oops.)

I didn't take pictures of that one.

So, question about pie crusts. I actually was pretty successful this time -- the crust was decently flaky. I used cold butter and a pastry knife and everything. Thing is, I understand that the secret to a great pie crust is to handle it as little as possible. (Bread dough is like a cuddly, cuddly friend -- it wants to be hugged and squeezed and loved. Pie crust would rather you didn't talk to it, thanks very much.)

So I did my best, I really did. But it was nigh impossible to make the lattices without overhandling the dough -- I had to reroll it out a couple of times, push it into place, squeeze bits together.

And yet the lattice was the flakiest, lightest part of the dough! How does that work? It's messing with my mind. I assume it has to do with its proximity to the heat source and absence from the gooey interior, but still. Doesn't seem fair.



Aren't they cute?

Sometimes, I like looking at food even more than eating it. Not usually, but it happens. I particularly like looking at food when it is something I made and I managed not to screw it up. (It's not usual -- but it happens!) And now that I'm trying to learn how to take non-crappy photos of food, it is like a combination of looking at food and a CHALLENGE. Sometimes it takes me a while to start eating.

William is totally in favor of my obsession with food -- partly because he is lovely and delightful and supportive, and partly because it means I am always setting down in front of him new things for him to eat -- things like itty bitty apple pies. However, the food-photographing thing seems to exasperate him.

Or maybe, "Stop taking pictures of your pie. Just eat it! Eat it, or I'm eating it for you!" was less about me taking pictures, and more about him stealing my pie.


Bastard.

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